They come by the millions. They resemble us, but we know they aren’t from here. They are easy to spot. Their vehicles have black plates, blue plates, red, white and blue plates, and WHITE and BLUE plates! Those WHITE and BLUE plated people? They are the worse! They are from Canada! They come by the hundreds of thousands! They LEAD the invasion! AND, they stay longer than all the rest! It’s like once they invade you can’t get rid of them!
Their different colored plates aren’t the only way to spot them. They drive aimlessly through the streets, 10-15 MPH slower than the citizens. Especially the elders of their tribe. They are gawking, peering at maps, trying to figure out where they are. The younger ones are taking selfies while driving, and making videos to send to their friends saying things like, “We are here! We have arrived! Look at us!” They even get out of their cars and take a picture of themselves next to a palm tree. Like it’s the only and last time they will ever see a palm tree!
I can spot the invaders a mile away. When I go to my local WaWa for morning coffee, they are standing around the caffeine area talking, chatting, laughing, sipping a little, adding a little more of this and that, acting as if they have nothing but time to kill. Obviously they don’t know our laws. You DO NOT talk to anyone while making coffee at WaWa! You don’t even make eye contact. You get your coffee and you get out. It doesn’t take more than 2 minutes. 3 minutes, tops! We are in and out!
When you drive by the local “Beach” shop, you can see them. In fact, they are lined up out the door! For what? Oh, they want something made of sea shells. Anything made of sea shells will do! There are NO sea shells on the beaches here, but that doesn’t stop them! “Look, I got a clock made a sea shells!” “Look at this pretty coffee cup made of sea shells!” “Wow, that big sea shell? If you put it up to your ear, you can hear the ocean!” Really? That sound you hear is actually the air rushing through your empty head between your ears. Sticking your ear against a sea shell is a dead giveaway you don’t belong here!
Where I live, they get up early in the morning and walk around the parking lot, in their nightgowns and robes and pajamas. It’s a ghastly site. Particularly the female ones who have sagging things I don’t want to see. They are humming and singing and talking to one another. They are so happy! No one who is a citizen does such things! We barely open our doors let alone talk to one another! We live here. We don’t have to be happy about it!
I was coming out of one of my favorite local restaurants when one of them pulled up in his car, rolled down his window and asked, “Is that food in there any good?” “Of course not,” I replied. Those of us who live here eat at all the crappy local places. When they come here they go to all the fine dining locations like Denny’s, and IHOP, and Texas Roadhouse and their favorite place in the world, “Golden Corral”. Those places are packed with cars that have the plates of aliens. Obviously they are the food connoisseurs choosing to dine at such classy establishments. Me, I live here. What do I know?
Soon they will be gone, and things will be back to normal. The temperature will be 95 degrees every day. The heat so intense the bottom of your feet burn when walking on the sand. That’s when we citizens go to the beach. No one will be out laughing, and singing, and talking and taking pictures of palm trees. We won’t have to answer stupid questions like where is the nearest Steak and Shake. No one making eye contact at WaWa and no one in line at the Beach shops. Just we citizens, enjoying our sweet peace and quiet!
The Lonesome Leaker 