If you happen to live in Florida, or have ever visited, you can’t drive anywhere without noticing the billboards with smiling, vibrant, fit, senior citizens. These supposed “retirees” have beautiful skin, perfect, white teeth, muscular bodies, are usually running, swimming, biking, and seemingly feeling none of the effects of the aging process. The Doctors ( and I use that term loosely) behind this advertising are promoting what they call “Age Management”. Yes, you heard me, “Age Management”. We are now being told we can manage the aging process!
Age Management Centers are popping up all over Florida, and based on the amount of money being spent on advertising, business is booming. Age Management promises, as the promotional picture states, to help you live longer and better! You too can proactively “manage the aging process” and let your inner beauty shine through! If you tired and lacking energy, irritable, have difficulty losing fat, want to feel and look younger, and of course, the big one; want increased libido and sexual energy, these facilities have the magic elixir to turn back the hands of time and make you feel young again!
Reality check! The fact that no one has ever lived forever and we all die means we can’t “manage” the aging process. The older I get, the more I realize, the aging process is managing me! Try bounding out of bed in the morning like you did as a child on Christmas morning and see how that works for you. You will either become so dizzy you will fall over, or your heart will start to race and you will become so short of breath you may be tempted to call 911. Age Management. Right!
Let me tell you about the Age Management process. Age Management is when you are thrilled you only had to get up and pee 3 times last night instead of 4. Age Management is when you are happy it takes you only 30 minutes each morning to realize where you are, let alone where you have to go. Age Management is knowing you have to write everything down on a list, but can’t remember where you put the list. Age Management is understanding you can now go 6 months without cutting the hair on your head, but can’t go 6 days without cutting the hair in your nose. Age Management is hearing the term “Sir” and realizing they are talking to you. Age Management is seeing a beautiful young girl and being able top make a conscious decision that getting excited takes too much effort. Age Management is getting out of bed and hoping only a few bones crack and a couple of joints hurt. Age Management is the confidence your medicine cabinet is stocked with products for age spots, and dry skin, and wrinkles, and grey hair, and puffy eyes, and bunions, and ingrown toenails, and intestinal issues from too regular to not regular enough. Age Management is jumping out of the shower in the morning and running past the bathroom mirror so you don’t have to see yourself naked. That’s Age Management!
You may think I have painted a grim picture of the aging process, but try to look on the positive side. With age come wisdom. With age comes patience. With age comes respect. With age comes knowledge and understanding we could only wish we had when we were young.
For me, the best part about the aging process is I will soon have an excuse to be cranky and mean and irritable and say whatever I feel like saying whenever I want to say it! The very thought is liberating! I look forward to the day when I am at my grumpy, grouchy, cantankerous, crotchety worse, people will just look at me and smile and think, “Don’t mind him. He’s just getting old”. Yes I am and that YOU will have to manage!
The Lonesome Leaker 