I am obviously a sucker. Clearly I have been tricked, and I am not too happy about it. You see, I have been led to believe that the key to incredible deals and unbelievable savings is contained in this array of colorful, barcoded tags I carry with me everywhere I go. They fill my pocket, hurt when I sit down, tear holes in my pockets, hang from my ignition making all kinds of racket, and speak to me saying, “If you throw me away, you just may miss the bargain of a lifetime”!
So, I hold on to them like there is no tomorrow. Even the ones from establishments located in places where I no longer live. Some are even from stores that are bankrupt and out of business. What if the have one final sale, 99% off, only for those who have the magical tag? What if the business rises from the ashes and they have a Grand Opening sale only for customers who were lucky enough to hold on to their tag? I just can’t risk throwing it away!
Some of these tags, I don’t even know what they are for? Goodwill store? No one has ever ask for my tag when I have been in the Goodwill store. Obviously, the people who work for Goodwill don’t even know what the tag is for. How many customer points would one need to buy a $1.00 pair of underwear for 50 cents?
How about Big Lots? I mean they sell stuff the other stores wont even take (Spam Lite, Bull Snort Tongue Torch Hot Sauce, and Wasabi Lay’s come to mind) at a price that is close to stealing. How many bonus points do you need to accumulate to get a discount on a bottle of Brut aftershave?
Dicks Sporting Goods? That tag has been on my ring ever since Dicks opened in Indianapolis. I have spent literally $1,000’s at Dicks over the years and I think with the accumulated total of my “Score Card” points I was able to buy a package of golf tees. Wow
CVS? Don’t even get me started. Every time I am in a CVS, and that’s often, they hand me a receipt that’s longer than a roll of toilet paper. The line that forms behind me while the register is spitting out the receipt winds all the way back to the pharmacy before its finished printing. It never fails the one coupon I might actually use is for an item I just purchased! I know they rig the thing so it happens that way!
Youfit? That tag hardly looks used. Hmmm. Wonder why?
Kroger? There are no Kroger’s within 500 miles of where I live. But just in case….
I want to be rid of these useless pieces of plastic coated cardboard, but I just cant do it. Every time I finally get to the point of removing one from my key ring, a voice speaks to me as I am standing over the trash can and says, “What if”?!
The Lonesome Leaker 