If you have been to a funeral lately, you know there are a lot of crazy things said. “That doesn’t look like her”. “Who dressed him”? “She’s wearing that ring she promised me”. “He almost looks alive”. And so on. Why do people say such ridiculous things about a lifeless corpse? Maybe they don’t know better. Possibly they are dropping subtle hints to see what people might say someday when they are laying in the casket.
This is why most people have a member of the clergy “officiate” their funeral. They are looking for words of comfort, words of hope, words that will make everyone think he wasn’t really such a bad guy. (Even though he smoked and drank and kick dogs and screamed at little children). The nice words are really for us. They make us feel better. The corpse cant hear the words. (Of “corpse” they cant)
However, more often than not, those words of “hope” and “comfort” become words of confusion and cause everyone, (even the corpse) to scratch their head. (By the way, if a corpse scratches his head, does that make him a “Dead Head”?)
Here are some of the heart felt and comforting words I have heard ministers say at funerals:
- “The last time I saw her, she was alive”
- “It looks like he got the last laugh”
- “I really don’t know where he is, but I know he’s somewhere”
- “What are we having for the meal after the funeral?”
- “Let me tell you about that time I fell into a grave”
- “Bob was not a rich man or a proud man or a successful man”
- “We lost our most faithful tither”
- “Be comforted that if he’s above, he’s looking down on us, and if he’s below, he’s looking up at us”
- “The family didn’t know I would be saying this, however……”
- “I have three funerals today and I think I have the wrong notes in front of me”
So the next time you are planning a funeral maybe rethink the idea you need to have a minister speak. After all, his words aren’t changing the eternal destiny of the decreased, and as discussed, probably won’t be very comforting to you or the dearly departed!
The Lonesome Leaker 